Peonies are blooming. I saw them opening up yesterday (5/29/2013).
My mother, who suddenly passed away in 2012 due to doctor's blunder, simply loved them. She visited me for six months in 2010. That year the peonies bloomed in July-August. She had arthritic knees but still she would limp out into the garden to enjoy the atmosphere, smell the peonies, enjoy their beauties and complain about the beautiful roses for not having any good smell. Here is she:
She looks so sad in this picture because it was the last day of her visit with us. Now she is gone forever from this material-world but remains alive in our mind and heart. I am not a religious person and thus does not find any comfort in such thoughts as that she is in heaven or that one day I will meet her in heaven. But I still wonder where she might be now? Is death the end of all? What is birth? What is death? Is birth the result of mere combination of male and female reproductive cells or something more? Is death just the destruction of those cells or something more? Is it similar to us picking out the weed and thus killing them? Who is picking us out then and why? Are we becoming like weeds at certain point in our life? What is that point then and who makes the decision? If I have to believe that God is making such decision, then I also have to declare myself a Goddess as the decision of life and death of all living organism in my garden is in my hand. So no, I can't believe in God/Goddess and make my life easier.
What is this vast universe? The size of the observable universe is about 14 billion light years, that is about 82.3x10^(21) miles. It's diameter is 546.7x10^(21) miles. Can you imagine the size? And who knows what's beyond that? I wish I could travel throughout space and time, observe the Big-Bang and the parallel universes, feel the higher dimensions and find answers to many questions.
But I do not have any such luck or perhaps even in hundred years. Now all I can do is become depressed for this unknown life or roam around in graveyards, thinking about all the people there. It is so strange to think that buried underneath are people who once had so much dreams and wishes and memories; spent their lives just like us -- thinking, reading, writing, gardening, gossiping, enjoying; they also felt pain and got scared. But, now nothing is left of them but some inanimate skulls and bones. Or maybe they have already become compost?
So, what's the use of gardening when I don't know what will happen to this life or to this garden with my death? Observe, learn, get awe-struck, spread the good vibes, share, struck-up friendship, help other creatures and enjoy the beauty till death snatches me.......
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My mother, who suddenly passed away in 2012 due to doctor's blunder, simply loved them. She visited me for six months in 2010. That year the peonies bloomed in July-August. She had arthritic knees but still she would limp out into the garden to enjoy the atmosphere, smell the peonies, enjoy their beauties and complain about the beautiful roses for not having any good smell. Here is she:
She looks so sad in this picture because it was the last day of her visit with us. Now she is gone forever from this material-world but remains alive in our mind and heart. I am not a religious person and thus does not find any comfort in such thoughts as that she is in heaven or that one day I will meet her in heaven. But I still wonder where she might be now? Is death the end of all? What is birth? What is death? Is birth the result of mere combination of male and female reproductive cells or something more? Is death just the destruction of those cells or something more? Is it similar to us picking out the weed and thus killing them? Who is picking us out then and why? Are we becoming like weeds at certain point in our life? What is that point then and who makes the decision? If I have to believe that God is making such decision, then I also have to declare myself a Goddess as the decision of life and death of all living organism in my garden is in my hand. So no, I can't believe in God/Goddess and make my life easier.
What is this vast universe? The size of the observable universe is about 14 billion light years, that is about 82.3x10^(21) miles. It's diameter is 546.7x10^(21) miles. Can you imagine the size? And who knows what's beyond that? I wish I could travel throughout space and time, observe the Big-Bang and the parallel universes, feel the higher dimensions and find answers to many questions.
But I do not have any such luck or perhaps even in hundred years. Now all I can do is become depressed for this unknown life or roam around in graveyards, thinking about all the people there. It is so strange to think that buried underneath are people who once had so much dreams and wishes and memories; spent their lives just like us -- thinking, reading, writing, gardening, gossiping, enjoying; they also felt pain and got scared. But, now nothing is left of them but some inanimate skulls and bones. Or maybe they have already become compost?
So, what's the use of gardening when I don't know what will happen to this life or to this garden with my death? Observe, learn, get awe-struck, spread the good vibes, share, struck-up friendship, help other creatures and enjoy the beauty till death snatches me.......
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They look so amazing. I know how bitter sweet they are for you. Your Mother looks just as amazing in her picture. Thinking of you today and send you my best wishes.
ReplyDeleteThank You So Much, Erin :-)
DeleteWow, that's a whole lot of wordly questions there lol. I am not religious either, not in the least, however I do believe in an afterlife. I don't believe in a god the way many people do nor do I believe that there is some higher being in charge of our life and destiny in this life. I believe we are solely in charge of who we are and I believe the pivotal points in our life were mapped out by ourselves before we came into this life (kinda like a blueprint)depending on what we want to learn from this existence. We've all experienced dejavu at some point and I believe that is how we know we are on the right track in this life - we feel we've experienced it before because it's what we're supposed to be experiencing at that exact moment.
ReplyDeleteYour mum sounds like a lovely lady and I cannot think of a more beautiful flower to remember her by, the peony truly is a graceful, beautiful bloom.
Best wishes
Linda, yes there are indeed whole lots of questions. I want to believe in such things; who knows may be deep down I believe them. That's why I lose sleep as I look out into the night sky and think about the universe. It's so huge and full of mysteries that everything and anything is possible. An urgent wish coils up from deep inside me to look and find answers to all these. That's why, though I am not religious, but still I read about all the world's religion, their beliefs, talk about them, think about them, read into spirtituality, ponder about everything.
DeleteSo many questions, so little answers available out there. Thoughts are with you
ReplyDeleteMark and Gaz, thank you :-)
DeleteYou save the drive of going to church - it's right in your backyard. That's the responsibility of non-believers - to accept that death is a part of life. Why should humans be exempt from dying? Entire religions are constructed around the arrogant fiction that we can avoid the reality that meets every other living thing.
ReplyDeleteAnd you in your back yard, are aware of the real truth...wiser than all the robed and invested and bearded men in all of history.
Joolz, not only in my backyard but in this whole universe, I search for truth. Who knows may be the plants and the ants and the bacteria also go somewhere after death...all these questions drive me crazy and make me depressed.
DeleteI am not religious but I am spiritual...that universe you want to visit makes me feel that spirit of all who have gone before us...your garden is a reflection of you at this time and it will change as you do...it is a wonder to have those peonies blooming and bringing back bittersweet memories. I plant certain plants in memory of friends and families and they bring me joy and sadness too.
ReplyDeleteDonna, thank you :-). I know, understand and feel what you are saying. Nature is the best teacher and the best healer.
DeleteI'm very sorry to learn about your mother - my condolences. The peonies are a lovely tribute.
ReplyDeleteIt is good to hear that you have fond memories of your mother... my mum passed away some years ago, and while I miss her, I believe she is doing well wherever she is now...
ReplyDeleteI can't believe I missed this earlier post - I could not let it go without adding my comment KL.
ReplyDeleteYour lovely memories will never leave you, mothers are special. Your mother was a beautiful woman and I can't begin to know how you feel. When my peonies flower I will think of your mother x